Thankyou to the contributors who sent me some jokes - unless you arrange otherwise, your name will be included in the list at the bottom of the page. Authors of the jokes themselves will be assumed unknown. I do not in any way, claim the following jokes my own work.
| There once was a man from Gosham,
Who pulled off his balls to wash 'em His mother said Jack! If you don't put 'em back, I'll throw them on the floor and squash 'em! |
A musical student from Sparta
Was a truly magnificent farter. From the strength of one bean, He'd fart: God Save the Queen, And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. |
| There once was a man called Perkin,
Who kept on jerkin' hi gherkin. His wife said: "Perkin!", Stop jerkin' your gherkin. A gherkin's for ferkin' not jerkin. |
There once was a man from Belgrave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave. I must admit, I'm a bit of a shit, But think of the money i'd save! |
| There once was a man from Vienna,
Who used to play the pianna. One day he slipped, Undone his zip, And out came a hairy goanna. |
There once was a young man from Bates,
Who was rather good on skates. He slipped on his cutlass, Made himself nutless, And now he's no good on dates. |
| Nick the prick had a 40 ft. dick,
He showed it to the lady next door. She thought it was a snake, Hit it with a rake, And now its only 4 ft. 4. |
There once was a man called Crockett,
Who went for a ride in a rocket. The rocket went Bang!! His balls went Clang!! And he found his dick in his pocket. |
| There once was a man from Boston,
Who rode around in an Austin. He had room for his ass, And a bottle of gas, But his balls hung out and he lost 'em. |
There once was a lady named Nil,
Who swallowed the atomic pill. They found her vagina, In South Carolina, And bits of her tits in Brazil |
| There once was a man from Bangkok,
Who tied Violin strings to his cock. With each new erection, He played a selection, From Johann Sebastian Bach. |
There once was a man from Kent,
Who's dick was so long it was bent. To save lots trouble, He stuck it in double, And instead of coming, he went! |
| There was a young man from Bombay
Who caught a slow boat to China one day. He was strapped to a pillar, With a sex mad Gorilla, And China's a bloody long way. |
There was a young man from dunbartan,
Who thought he could run like a Spartan. On the very last lap, His braces went snap, And his face when as red as his tartan. |
| There was a young girl from Strathclyde,
Who's vagina was incredibly wide. Said a man with a van, Park it I can, And now it rattles in side. |
There was a young man from Darjeeling,
Who got on a train at south Ealing. Said a note on the door, Please don't spit on the floor, So he took aim and spat on the ceiling. |
| There was a woman from China,
Who went on an ocean liner. She slipped on deck, Broke her neck, And now every one can see her vagina. |
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it. With a smile and a grin, He'd wipe the come from his chin, If his ear was a cunt he would fuck it. |
| There once was a lady from New Zealand,
Who had a peculiar feelin' She laid on her back Tickled her crack And pissed all over the ceiling |
Ol' Molly Hare, what'cha doin' there,
Sittin' on a horse turd, pickin' out a hair. Pick out one, Pick out two, Pick out another and she'll give it to you. |
| There once was a gal from Hoboken,
Who told how her hymen got broken. From riding a bike, Down a cobble stone pike, But we all know it got broken from poken'. |
I once knew a girl named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, If you paid to get in, You'll pay to get out again too. |
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, blind and mute kid get for christmas?
A: Cancer!
Q: What did one faggot say to the other faggot at the gay bar?
A: Can I push your stool in?